The Bleak Breakfast

Sometimes my sister has bitchfits because she doesn't like the food in the house and can't find anything to eat. When she does I go into Matt Maguire mode and antagonize her and tell her that she's a big prodigal fucking son who thinks she is too good for cheese and crackers and sloppy joes everyday cuz she lived in Brooklyn or whereever. I mean it lovingly. The other week I had an experience like her, I was away for a while and apparantly all the other grocery buyers were too. I come downstairs after sleeping late and am starving, to my dismay, the bread is moldy and there is only a heal piece left anyway, all the milk has gone bad for two weeks, there is no orange juice, eggs coldcuts or anything. Forgetting that the milk was bad I went for cheerios opened it and found a Coraline spider web guarding the cheerios with a red spider, wtf is a red spider. I screamed and threw it across the room and then Melchior pounced on it. I had never been more food depressed in my life. I then realized that aside from the whole Anna Karenina-Tolstoy "2 kinds of family" division there is another division. Families who have functionaly food and families who do not. From years of babysitting these I can easily spot a functional family. It boils down to two products, functional families always have goldfish in their cubbard and they keep tupperwear. Dysfunctional families cannot keep tupperwear because someone will leave someone in it somewhere and it will become disgusting. Anyway I am playing desperate housewife at my summerhome and after my next pay check I am buying goldfish and a tupperwear so I can join the heard.